


Walls

by closetpsycho



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Post-Wicked Witch of the West | Zelena, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-05-12
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-03-30 06:53:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,104
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3927076
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/closetpsycho/pseuds/closetpsycho
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>David says something he shouldn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

He doesn’t register what exactly happens after the words leave his mouth. But when he finds himself against a wall, with Gold’s hand around his neck and the other hand hovering and glowing dangerously with purple magic, he can tell he’s done something wrong. There’s something in Gold’s eyes that David never thought he’d see; panic.

Unbridled panic, accompanied with some sort of determination.

It’s one of the few times he’s been this close to Gold’s face and suddenly he can see the tense jaw, the eyebrows drawn together and the lines on his nose that all go together with a snarl. But it isn’t anger. It’s fear.

David hastily thinks back on what he could have possibly said that would cause this kind of reaction-

Wicked.

He’d said wicked.

Zelena.

“I’m sorry,” he muttered slowly, the hand around his windpipe not slacking.

Gold blinked. Then his eyes changed, becoming guarded and locked and David tried to swallow. It ended up sounding like he was gurgling water. David coughed and grabbed Gold’s wrist, trying to pry it away from his neck. He only succeeded in making the other hand twitch and David didn’t like the look of the purple magic swirling around Gold’s fingers.

Then the proverbial spell was broken and Gold gasped sharply, taking two whole steps backwards and staring at David with shock settling into his features. He took shallow breaths, then turned on his heel and stalked away, leaving David against the wall, rubbing his bruising neck.

Maybe Gold wasn’t as okay as they thought.


	2. Chapter 2

The worst was the nightmares.

The feeling of waking up and realizing that the tightness in your chest wouldn’t go away.

Gold hated that feeling.

“Rumple?”

He was halfway dressed, in the midst of buttoning up a dark shirt, “I’m going to go for a walk.”

“Did you have another nightmare?” she asked quietly.

He didn’t feel like talking, and didn’t reply verbally. He just nodded and he shrugged on a suit jacket for warmth. He went for the door.

“When will you be back?” she asked.

“Don’t wait up for me,” he said finally and left.

The cool night air filled his nose and his chest, making the tightness seem worse than it actually was. As he walked down the steps without his cane, he didn’t really have a specific destiny in mind. He just needed to move. That was his new thing; moving. Using his freedom to the full extent, he started walking towards the main street. There was lighting, no cars, or people, and no one to ask him about why the hell he wasn’t home sleeping with his beautiful wife.

He heard the ocean in the distance and paused. There were benches by the dock.

There were a few lampposts still shining when he arrived. One of them blinked ominously, and he steered clear of that one. The bench was cold and the sensation made his shoulders tense. He leaned back and tried to relax, feeling the backrest of the bench against his spine. A sparse amount of gulls rested a few feet away on the edge of a boat.

He folded his hands in his lap and breathed. His breath turned white when he exhaled, but by now he hardly felt it. Instead it had become something of a persistent tingle in his limbs, leaving his hands and feet pretty senseless. But just being aware of the sensations was enough for now. It proved that this was real. It wasn’t a dream, or a nightmare. And reality could be controlled.

Why did Charming have to talk without thinking?

The prince had apologized afterwards, and the sorcerer hated to admit it, but it had taken more than a few hours to calm down. He hated it, he really did. Belle had tried to help, but he still wasn’t comfortable with her touch. And he wanted to make Zelena suffer a most painful death for making him behave this way. He used to love having Belle put her fingers through his hair; but now it made bile rise up his throat and he always slapped the hand away in panic.

He heard footsteps and was up from his seat in an instant.

David’s face was half obscured by the dark, “Gold?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the idea grew..


	3. Chapter 3

Gold sighed, “What?”

“Sorry to disturb you-“

“Sorry enough to leave?”

David paused.

Okay, that might have been a little too harsh.

“What are you doing out here in the middle of the night?” David asked.

“I could ask you the same thing.”

“Leroy had a few too many at the Rabbit Hole and asked me to check on his boat for him,” David replied, holding up one hand where keys jingled loudly in the night.

“He really thinks someone’s going to steal it?” Gold could have snorted.

David shrugged, “He thought that maybe he’d forgotten to lock it.”

Gold honestly didn’t care for this conversation.

David coughed, only a little awkward, “Then I saw you over here and I thought I’d check on you.”

“I don’t need to be checked up on,” Gold said calmly.

“I just… I wanted to make sure that you knew I was sorry for earlier today,” David said.

“I know,” Gold nodded, looking everywhere but David’s general direction. He didn’t want to waste energy teleporting away, plus that would only cause David more speculation than reassurance.

“And uh, listen…”

Oh, he was going to continue?

“If you want to talk… I know we’re not exactly best friends-“

“Stop.”

David swallowed.

“I will drink poison before I talk to anyone-“

“Come on, it’s not like we don’t care-“

“Are you sure about that?”

David took half a step forward and his shocked face was illuminated, “Excuse me?”

“Forget it. It doesn’t matter,” Gold dismissed him, sitting back down on the bench with an exhale.

“Whether you like it or not; we’re family,” David walked over to him and sat on the opposite end of the bench. Gold kept his eye line towards the horizon in the distance.

“As you said; we’re not friends,” Gold shrugged with one shoulder.

“That doesn’t mean we can’t care,” David retorted.

“But it usually means that you don’t,” Gold said simply.

Two people could play this game.

David groaned and leaned back, “Can’t you just see this for what it is?”

“And what is it?”

“An opportunity.”

“I love to wave at them as they pass me by.”

“You are a lot of work, has anyone ever told you that?” David grumbled.

Gold felt like he’d heard something along those lines before, but he didn’t bother to reply.

“My point is; that obviously you’re not fine. Don’t pretend otherwise,” David said, pointing with his hand almost close enough to poke Gold’s arm. “Now why are you out here in the middle of the night?” he asked.

“I had a nightmare,” Gold answered promptly. He didn’t want to tread water for longer than necessary, and there was no clause that he had to describe in detail what the nightmare had been about.

David almost dropped his jaw in surprise.

“I couldn’t go back to sleep,” Gold continued, trying to sound casual about the whole thing.

“Sorry to hear that,” David inclined his head.

Gold stretched his legs out and leaned back, folding his hands in his lap. “I just needed a walk,” Gold added.

David nodded, “Look, you don’t have to trust everyone. And you’re right, we’re not friends. But we’re family, and I can speak for both Mary Margaret and myself when I say; we care. You can talk to us.”

“I killed Zelena,” Gold blurted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> keeps growing..


	4. Chapter 4

David rounded on him, “You did what? You-“

“I did what I thought was right,” Gold argued.

“How can killing her possibly be the right thing?” David asked heatedly.

“Close your eyes,” Gold requested. 

David blinked, ”What?”

“Do it, and I’ll explain it,” Gold said.

David groaned but complied. 

“Your name is Rumpelstiltskin,” Gold said quietly. “You died to protect those you love. You left behind people you loved more than you’ve ever loved yourself. Then you’re brought back, and forced to watch your child exchange their life for yours. Then you almost kill your True Love, because you can no longer control your own mind.”

“Gold-“

“Then you spend a year being tortured – mentally, physically – and then you wake up from it to find your child dying in front of you. You can’t save your child, only watch and return to your cage. You’re forced to do horrible things; things that you’d never do if you had a choice. Then you’re finally free but everyone you know and care for, are protecting the person who caused all your pain. You have nightmares, panic attacks so bad you’d rather die than feel like that-“

“Gold, please-“

“But your tormentor is being protected by the heroes, so surely your feelings are irrelevant. Your tormentor is worth protecting. So you do nothing. Then you snap and kill the tormentor, because you hope the pains will stop.”

David swallowed. There was a long pause and David opened his eyes. He could see Gold hadn’t moved. He was still staring straight at the horizon, but now his hands were twitching.

“But it doesn’t stop,” Gold smiled sadly.

“Gold, I’m sorry,” David said quietly.

Gold shrugged, “You’re right; I’m not fine. But it seems that no one really cares unless my reactions disturb other people’s lives.”

“Belle cares,” David said.

Gold scoffed, “I lied to her, because I knew she wouldn’t approve of me killing Zelena. The more I think about it, the more I doubt that I care that she’s going to hate me once she finds out the truth.”

“That’s… concerning, I guess,” David ventured cautiously.

“Oh, it is. I know how it sounds,” Gold nodded. He inhaled sharply and stood.

David leaped to his feet, “Where are you going?”

“Therapy session’s over,” Gold said firmly, turning away and walking around the bench. The tightness in his chest wasn’t getting any better, and he was freezing inside his layers of clothing. He flexed both hands as he walked and managed not to jump visibly when David shouted after him. Footsteps thundered closer and he sighed loudly, “Enough, David. I’ve bared my soul, and now I want to go home-“

“You’re afraid.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> too much..?


	5. Chapter 5

Rumpelstiltskin halted instantly, standing still as a statue and it felt like ice and fire were trying to consume him at the same time. He licked his lip, trying hard to ignore the stinging in his eye, “Really? Of what exactly?”

“You’re afraid of love,” David said, being fairly reasonable.

“You’re wrong,” Rumpelstiltskin said slowly. “I’m not afraid. I just don’t believe in it,” he didn’t bother to turn; the footsteps came closer and then Charming was in front of him, looking down on him like everyone else did. He looked towards the sheriff station, “Based on the evidence at hand; good things don’t happen to me.”

“They could,” David said and held up a hand when Rumpelstiltskin was ready to protest. “I’m not saying you should prance around making goo goo eyes at Belle all the time, and I’m not saying that you haven’t been through some crap in your life to justify your behavior-“

“What do you know about my life?” Rumpelstiltskin interrupted, wondering for the first time why this walk in the middle of the night had been a good idea. Oh yeah; panic attacks. Fun times.

“Not enough to preach to you, but I’m just saying; Belle really loves you-“

Rumpelstiltskin hadn’t meant to snort. It just sort of… happened. Was it a bad sign that he was laughing at the idea of his wife loving him? It certainly wasn’t a good sign. Oh, he had far too many problems to be standing in the middle of the night by the docks, trying to argue with Prince Charming of freaking Fairytale Land. “I’m cutting this conversation short,” he decided loudly, trying to sidestep David, but the tall, blonde idiot just kept being in the way. “Move,” Rumpelstiltskin commanded.

“I’m going to let you go-“

“You’re going to let me?”

“But I want to make a deal with you-“

“Forget it-“

“Hear me out!” David hissed.

Rumpelstiltskin groaned, and leaned back on his heels, preparing for more yapping.

“I won’t tell that you killed Zelena,” David began and Rumpelstiltskin listened. “But in exchange, I want you to please tell me when you want to talk. I won’t tell anyone, but I want you to have someone you can vent on,” David laid out his terms slowly.

“I don’t need venting, especially not to you,” Rumpelstiltskin said.

David rolled his eyes – he actually rolled his eyes, “Sure you don’t.”

“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you,” Rumpelstiltskin decided.

“And this… whatever this is, it doesn’t suit you,” David tossed back. He took half a step back, then grabbed Rumpelstiltskin’s arm when the sorcerer was about to move, “Just-! I don’t like this.”

“Excuse me-“

“Seeing you like this. It’s unnerving,” David elaborated and Rumpelstiltskin frowned.

“I don’t follow.”

David was silent for a while.

Rumpelstiltskin blinked, “I’ll just go now-“

“Wait-“

“I can’t wait all night for you to search your vocabulary, Charming,” Rumpelstiltskin snapped.


	6. Chapter 6

David shot the man a look, “Look, whatever Zelena did to you; you should talk about it. Get it out of your system-“

“I don’t want _any_ reminders to what that witch did to me-“

“It’ll only be one time you tell. After that it would be over and you can get on with your life-“

“What life exactly would I be getting on with? I have nothing!”

“You have Belle-“

“Who will leave me when she finds out just how little I can care for her, after Zelena…”

David paused, “She really messed you up didn’t she?”

“I’m not talking about this!” Rumpelstiltskin tried to yank his arm out of Charming’s grip, but the prince was stronger. “Let go of me!” he snarled.

“Rumpelstiltskin-“

“Let go!”

“Just listen to me-“

“Let go!”

The push was something Charming couldn’t have prepared for; it was magic and powerful and it knocked him flat on his back. It was bright purple and for a while he thought the magic might have blinded him. He sat up with a grunt and rubbed his eyelids, feeling something burn. He squinted when he heard the shallow breaths, having a hard time to focus. Soon though, his eyes found Rumpelstiltskin, practically with his head between his knees and both hands over his ears.

“Just shut up!” the sorcerer screeched. “Why do you have to meddle?” he cried, not looking up from the asphalt. He hissed as he tried to draw a full breath, “Why do you always have to meddle?!”

David scrambled to his feet and was by Rumpelstiltskin’s side in an instant, “Okay, calm down-“

“I can’t ever get rid of that witch’s voice in my head, and every time I try to get it all to go away, one of you always has to-“ Rumpelstiltskin cut himself off with a choked sound. The inhale sounded guttural, “Just shut up about her for once! Shut up!”

“Okay, I’m sorry,” David nearly shouted in his hurry to get the words out. “Just try to calm down-“

“Shut up!”

Another burst of magic blinded David and he turned his head away, feeling the glow pass over him and disappear. He knew almost instantly something was wrong. It was too quiet. He looked at Rumpelstiltskin, but the Dark One wasn’t meeting his gaze. His chest went up and down at a fast pace, but there was no sound. Quiet. Like, silence, but not really silent; he could hear his heart beating. He opened his mouth to ask, but as he spoke, nothing came out.

It was quiet.

He grabbed Rumpelstiltskin’s upper arms and tried to gain eye contact.

The eyes that met his were wide and pained.


	7. Chapter 7

David hardly breathed, just tried to convey in some way that he wasn’t going to walk away from this. Neither of them could sweep this event under the carpet now; they were in this situation together, and David could do little but promise to help. Rumpelstiltskin’s hands migrated from his ears to his face, covering everything that could give away tangible emotions, but his shoulders were shaking too hard to conceal.

Rumpelstiltskin seemed to curl up on himself. David went down with him, and eventually they both ending up sitting on the cold asphalt and neither of them moved for a while. David wondered how long this silence was going to last, feeling something like white noise starting to echo in his ears. Perhaps it was all in his head- did that make it any less real?

David shook his head, clearing the thoughts away and returned his focus to Rumpelstiltskin.

“Rumpelstiltskin?” he spoke the name, but he heard nothing. He felt the vibration in his throat; he knew he had spoken. David tapped Rumpelstiltskin’s left arm with his fingers, trying to get attention but what was he going to do after receiving the attention? Try to speak? Was Rumpelstiltskin good at lip reading?

Rumpelstiltskin moved one hand away from his face, waving it distractedly in the air and it was like a firecracker went off in David’s ears. Suddenly everything was loud; the gulls by the docks, the wind, the haltering buzz of a nearly busted streetlight. Rumpelstiltskin’s other hand now covered the eyes and David didn’t have to be able to hear to know there was tears hidden from his sight.

David inhaled, “I’m… sorry I pushed you.”

“Never mind now,” Rumpelstiltskin’s voice was thick, nasally and David looked down and away.

Guilt was spreading in his gut like a wildfire.

“Just… go away.”

David licked his lips. He was tempted, he really was. “I can’t just leave you here,” he said defiantly.

“Sure you can. It’s not di-difficult. Just get up and leave,” Rumpelstiltskin said it as if it really _was_ that simple.

“It wouldn’t be right,” David countered.

Rumpelstiltskin sighed, “While you have your little internal debate with yourself about what’s right and what’s wrong, I’m going to go home and spin.” Rumpelstiltskin pushed David’s legs away from his own and stood, looking slightly hazed. The sorcerer inhaled sharply, “Goodnight, David.”

Before David could utter a word of protest, purple smoke had engulfed Rumpelstiltskin, and the prince knew it was too late. He was left sitting on the asphalt feeling something cold and heavy in his gut. As he stood, Leroy’s keys fell out of his jacket.

If he hadn’t been down by the docks, who would Rumpelstiltskin have turned to?

**Author's Note:**

> i'd love to see realistic ptsd on the show, but hey...


End file.
